we're chasing vodka with high fives
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
