Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
