He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
