Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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