Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
