This girl is more easily done than said...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
