"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So vagazzling was a success
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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