someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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