Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
