I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
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We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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