Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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