My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
