Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize