some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
