my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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