textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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