I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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