my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
