i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
