a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
