you traded sex for a burrito?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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