Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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