I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
