It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
