I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
