Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
