She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
