Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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