Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
