We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
