So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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