Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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