she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Randomize
