Duck Duck Cougar?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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