my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
