You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
