At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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