Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
