Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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