Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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