put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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