I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So much rum. So many feels.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
