Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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