I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
