someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
