if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
