just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
