If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize