Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day