we made out on top of his cat.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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