dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
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I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days