I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.