Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Found the puke drawer
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.