it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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