Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
