Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
