i think i have two assholes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
