Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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