I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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