I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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