where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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