I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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