i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
