There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
