He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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