Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
