Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
