Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
