The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
