he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
