You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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