I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
