I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
