It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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