remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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