Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
