in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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