just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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