It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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