I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
