umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
