i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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