the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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