He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
