dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
two words: eviction party
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
